Me not suspecting the 45 minutes of pure pleasure and submission that are about to follow…
Hey everyone! Just wanted to let you know that I recently posted a brand new video in my Rikochan clips store, for the first time in ages! It’s the conclusion of my very popular Rikochan’s Hentai Massage series. I didn’t realize it but I never really posted about this series at all–except in my big clit video catalog, of course! That’s crazy, because the three total parts of this video add up to 45 minutes of Rikochan porn!
Rikochan’s Pecs get some loving attention from Lady Clarece
What is Hentai Massage?
Hentai Massage is my name for a whole genre of JAV, or Japanese porn, that revolves around women (it’s usually women) getting what they think will be innocent massages that turn into wild sex play, often with lots of oil or lube. Although it’s sometimes men doing the massaging, the best videos are of masseuses and women clients.
My nipples are really my most sensitive spot. Once someone starts gets them tingling, I’m pretty much at their mercy.
Often the videos show the woman being given something to drink that is supposed to relax her that instead makes her very very sensitive to any sexy touch. I want to stress here that while these videos are shot as though the women are not professional AV stars, they absolutely are. It’s a fantasy, which is fine. Really drugging someone obviously would not be.
My panties are so soaked with massage oil and my own gushing juices that they are completely see-through. Look at that clitty!
In the first part, I go to a new masseuse, played by the strict and sexy Lady Clarece because my muscles are sore from so much working out. Unfortunately (?) I don’t really clarify what I’m paying for. Lady C definitely is interested in playing with my muscles, but the more and more she gets into the massage, the more risque it gets.
So soft, so warm, so delicious. I bet you never had a massage like this…
Finally, she’s rubbing me through my panties which are slick with oil and wet with the juices of my pussy. My clit is so damned swollen at this point that it looks and feels like it’s going to bust out of my panties. Finally, the panties come off and Lady Clarece makes one of my fantasies come true by rubbing her amazing, gorgeous fantastic breasts and big hard nipples against my throbbing clit.
Once the panties come off, pretty much anything is possible…
This clip lasts about 23 minutes. It’s a little longer and cheap for the length, because the first part is setup. That said, there’s a lot of sexy video here. It’s mostly in Japanese, although the dialog is not so important!
Big boobs vs. big clit! Personally, I think the boobs are the winner, here!
What’s more important are the amazing boobs of Lady Clarece and my big clit! I feel like, if you like big Japanese boobs and big Japanese clits, you’re probably going to be pretty happy with this video, regardless of the language you speak. At least I hope you will be! I’ve already had a lot of nice feedback on this series, and each one has been the most popular big clit clip on clips4sale for a while after I posted it. Part III is still #1 almost three weeks after I posted it!
Forget about my big clit, look at Lady Clarece’s gorgeous boobs!
In the next part, I’m basically so excited that I’m helpless under the talented and seductive fingers of Lady Clarece. Because she is a very scrupulous and safe masseuse, she puts on black gloves for this next scene. We’re all about safety, and even in porn it’s sexy to be safe. Besides I love the way those nitrile gloves look and feel! That extra little bit of texture…oh my god, I’m getting so excited just thinking about it.
Black gloves, big clit, such a sexy, safe memory.
Although I had a couple very hot, wet moments in the first clip (I came and squirted and gushed so many times in this shoot, I wouldn’t even know how to count it), in Part II, my sexy masseuse really puts all her skills to work to bring me to a tremendous, toe-curling happy ending. When a skilled domme/masseuse wants to make you have a lovely happy ending, you’re going to have a lovely happy ending.
Look at my huge clit glans just sticking out in this shot. That’s how excited I am here…
I have to admit, although the story is fiction, I was almost as nervous as my character in the clip would have been, and Lady C is so skilled that I was overcome by pleasure exactly as my character in this clip would be. There was no acting required. I really just surrender to the pure delight of the moment, and just came, and came, and came. The sheets were soaked, and I was just quivering.
Ugh, I want to be holding those gorgeous breasts again!
This clip is only eight minutes long, but it’s pretty much solid finger-banging, nipple-pinching, clit-rubbing goodness. This is a super wet clip, and there’s a ton of gushing and squirting. All three clips are really solid, but this is definitely the (finger) bang for your buck choice! Also, wow, I was so soft and round for this shoot. I can’t believe that I’ve lost 20 pounds since then. I don’t feel like I look all that different, though. I guess I’ll have to shoot some more video again to compare!
In this part, which is 14 minutes long, I pay the price for not having enough cash to pay for the hentai massage happy ending I enjoyed in parts I and II, when Lady Clarece made me squirt and cum over and over again. My acting here is dismal, but once we get back into the actual sex parts, it get much better again…mainly because I’m reacting, really.
Oops, suddenly I’m in bondage over a bad debt to a dominatrix
Because the whole thing was just a miscommunication, Lady Clarece let me pay off my debt by being her punishment slave. I’m immediately restrained at the wrists and also by a spreader bar, eventually even blindfolded. I’m totally helpless, and Lady C definitely turns the screws on me a bit, giving me pleasure in the way that *she* enjoys, instead of what I might have picked.
Mmm, the spreader bar. I have to confess, I love the spreader bar…
The spreader bar was something I was really looking forward to in this shoot, and I loved using it. Restraint and submission just come naturally to me, and they have always been exciting. The riding crop, on the other hand, I am always a little scared about. I’m not a natural pain slut, though I have had some very good experiences with skilled masters and mistresses.
By this point, I’m dripping wet, I’m so stimulated. I was so lubricated I could have fucked anything.
Impact play is more of a leap of faith for me, but I trust Lady Clarece absolutely. I never would have realized how much a riding crop to the clit might sting, but also how good it might eventually feel. I guess that’s what you get when you work with a pro!
My clit is insanely sensitive; getting it swatted with a riding drop made me almost lose my mind.
There’s also plenty of spanking and then she treats me to a k9 dildo from Elypseart with an inflatable knot! My poor pussy gets so filled up and stretched out, and I’m so humiliated and excited by what’s going on that I’m gushing basically the whole time. The feeling of that thing inside me getting pumped up is so crazy and weird and perverse that it gets me crazy excited at the same time as it makes me feel totally out of control and completely at her mercy. It’s such a strange feeling, but so exciting!
This is definitely the freakiest toy I’ve used…so far.
Finally; Lady Clarece proves to me that even pleasure can be punishment (and vice-versa) by making me come over and over with a magic wand vibrator until I’m almost crying. At one point she stops and I’m so relieved, but she’s only teasing me (and getting a little bit more consent from me, which is also sexy). It’s pretty damned hot…if you like forced orgasms in bondage, you’ll definitely love this one.
My shattering multiple forced orgasm. I just about begging her to stop it was so intense and lastest so long.
I’ve rarely been so wrecked after a shoot as this one, despite the fact that I had at least some idea what was going to happen before the shoot. We planned out the hentai massage plot, but the script for the end was just: Lady Clarece puts the blindfold on me and does her thing until I can’t take it anymore. And Lady Clarece definitely delivered, as she always does!
Wrecked. Absolutely wrecked. Completely satisfied, exhausted, and drained. Sub space, baby.
Hey everyone! I hope you are all having a sexy Decemeber! I’m working like crazy on so many projects and sadly only a few of them are very sexy at the moment. I hope to have some news about a new video for my fetish clips studio soon, but in the meanwhile, I want to share a bunch of my latest bodybuilding progress pics with you!
I never wear a bra in real life, but I do like the way my lats are stretching out this lingerie bra!
Again, I’m more active at the moment on social networking, so if you follow me on Twitter and Facebook, you will have already seen some of these pictures. But, don’t worry, there are a bunch of pics, both bodybuilding progress pics and plain old porn pics, that are only showing up for the first time right here on my blog, because, to be honest, my blog is really my first love. This is where I really ought to be spending more of my time, especially as social media gets more toxic and crazy. I need to be spending more time making porn and less time reading other people’s tweets…
Front view of me in that lingerie. I like this one because it combines pecs progress and some nipple pumping. Yay, nipple pumping!
I’ve been really focusing on my bodybuilding progress lately, and especially my bench. My legs and back are hella strong, but not so much the rest of my upper body. My current goal is to be able to bunch 100 lbs, which I shamefully can’t do at the moment. But I’m making pretty good progress. I had a lot of fun working with my trainer yesterday on dumbbell bench and floor press. I’m sore today, and I’m resting eating a TON so I can grow, grow, grow my muscles.
I’ve been working really hard, and I hope you can see some results!
I don’t have a lot of sex news to tell you, but at least I can show you a couple of sexy pictures, right? My clitty is still nice and big, and I pump it as often as I can, given that at the moment, I mostly fall asleep as soon as I get into bed. I really need to get back into a good sex and porn groove!
I don’t know why, but this is one of my favorite pictures of this post! Maybe it’s the round delt? Maybe it’s the nipples?
I’m hoping I get to change that tonight! I bought a milking machine to jumpstart my ecchi life again. I’m suuuuuper interested in lactation, and I think this will be the first step in getting that started. I’m looking into the various meds and herbs that can help, too! I’m pretty conservative about things like that, though, but even so I think that it’s possible I might be able to get a little bit of milky porn made in the first half of 2017. I can’t tell you how excited that idea makes me, having bigger breast that are swollen with milk and nipples that are engorged and sensitive all the time!
I don’t post too many unflexed full body shots, but here’s one just to keep it honest. I’ve still got some chub to lose, but at least you can see that I *have* abs. Also, clit pumping!
Is this something you, my fans and friends would be interested in seeing? Are any of you out there lactation or even hucow fans? If so, please leave me a comment and let me know! I’m still thinking about going after it really aggressively, and your opinions might help tip the balance.
I like this one because you can see both my pumped up clitty and my pumped up, vascular forearm!
If you do answer my lactation question, please don’t tell me that it’s my choice and my body and that I should do what I want and what makes me happy. That’s all well and true, and I appreciate your concerns, but let’s just assume that I know all that, please? Just assume that I know enough to do what makes me happy, and that this entire blog and my part-time porn career are already a labor of love. I’m asking because I am genuinely curious about what you think. It’s part fascination, part market research ok? I’m fine and I know what I’m doing, thanks!
One last big clit to say goodbye for now!
Anyhow, that’s it for now, but I think there will be more coming soooooon!
My big pink clit is already pretty swollen, even before I start to pump it!
Hey everyone! I’m writing to let you know that while I’m not being very active here on Rikochanpornstar, or on my clips4sale studio, I haven’t completely disappeared! In fact, at the moment I’m posting a new picture just about every day over on my Twitter account! And I’m not just talking about cute cat pictures, either. Nope. This is the good stuff: clit pumping on Twitter. Go and get it while you can! The clit-pumping pics here in this post are what I’ve posted so far in the thread on my Twitter account.
A friend on Twitter told me that my clit looks like a missile in a silo! I love that!
It’s a slow thread–about a picture a day–but I think it’ll be worth the wait for most of you. They’re just iPhone pictures, but actually I think that “real sex” look makes them kind of hotter in a way than some more posed pics I’ve done. I go back and forth over which kind I like better, but, the good thing is that I don’t have to choose. Since it’s my account, I can post whatever I like. I generally don’t hear people complain too much. No one ever says, “Ugh, too much clit,” or whatever.
My clit is getting long and hard
Sometimes my viewers will politely say “I love the clit, but could you also post more feet?” or more legs or more muscle or more ass and so on. And that’s fine. People like what they like, and I don’t have any problem with people telling me they like my feet or my muscle or my ass. Why would I? It’s flatter! As long as people are polite and friendly, there’s no harm in asking for what you like. I’m all about open, direct, and respectful communication.
Anyhow, these are half the pictures in the thread so far, and I’ll be posting more starting tomorrow! Go check out the thread for more clit pumping on Twitter.
Isn’t Farrah Day-Cage gorgeous? I’m so happy to be able to share her with you!
Hi everyone: please join me in welcoming my clever, sexy, and bold friend Farrah Day-Cage to Rikochanpornstar.com. I’m really hoping that this will be the first of many posts and pictures she shares here—or anywhere: I’m not selfish! As long as there are more stories and pictures (and maybe someday video?) of her out there for us all to enjoy, the world will be a much better and sexier place for it! You can follow Farrah Day-Cage (I love that name!) on her Twitter account. Please, please, please leave nice comments for her so that maybe she’ll share with us again someday soon, because obviously there is a lot more to her story! And–who knows–if you make her really happy, maybe she’ll come and shoot some clips with me someday! Now, without any more from me, I’m going to let Farrah talk for herself!
I may be smooth, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love bush on other people! I want to run my fingers through Farrah’s gorgeous hair, and that enormous clitty…delicious!
I like the feeling of having my panties be full. To be so turned on that it’s obvious to someone watching, that I can’t hide it. Being watched is also hot. So of course I was interested in showing my clit off, especially as I got into pumping and enlargement. I was introduced to pumping years ago, at Burning Man, of all places. The camp was all guys, and pretty guy focused, but I was nosey and perked up right away when I saw the nipple pumps.
“You can totally use that on a clit!”
“Well…yes, actually. You can.”
“Let’s do it!”
I want to be the one pulling back her clit hood, so that I can suck at the glans…
The camp was amused and amazed and happily helped me figure out the basics of clit pumping. They guided me through lubing up and easing the tube into place. When the first pull on the pump started, I felt pressure, then suction. Gentle at first, then slowly more persistent as blood flowed to my clit. There wasn’t any pain, instead a warm, pulsing pull focused squarely on my throbbing clit. I kept squirming adjusting to the new sensation and looking down at just how much I was growing in the tube. By the time the tube came off, the camp attendees all crowded around to marvel at how fat my clit was and moan about how tasty it looked. I got turned on being on display for them…just writing about this has turned me on now!
The camp planner gifted me my first tube and pump and sent me back into the default world, and a pumping fan was born. I pumped off and on over the years, but got to the point where I wanted to try something more structured, more on than off. As my clit grew, I started experimenting with different forms of masturbating.
Farrah’s wearing her Buck Off in this shot! I can’t believe how hot it makes me to think of her wearing this under her clothes walking around packing, feeling that, and no one knows!
There’s this interesting toy called the Buck Off. It’s a stroker created for transmen’s cocks—think Fleshlight—but it happens to also be a lot of fun for a femme with a big clit! When the Buck Off came out, I was on it! The thing I liked about it was not just how it felt on my clit, but how, if the suction was right, I could wear it. I could fill my panties and have suction on my clit, at the same time! So now, I’m “packing,” if you can call it that, more often. It’s just so cute to me, to have that hot bulge wrapped in cute lingerie! The feeling I get when I take it off is so wonderful, and my clit is so hard, I want to show it off all over again! Everyone that’s seen it has been really appreciative so far, which makes me want to show it off a little more.
I like it when my panties are full. I like it when I can show my clit to an appreciative audience. I like that Rikochan is egging me on. And if you’re nice, I’ll show it off some more for you.
This is how I imagine Farrah Day-Cage’s huge clit, hovering above me, just before she lowers between my waiting lips, that perfect moment…
That’s it from Farrah Day-Cage for now everyone! If you want to see more of her, please leave a comment saying so! ~Riko
A favorite recent lingerie purchase. If it looks a bit arty, does that mean it isn’t porn?
I never set out to be a sex worker, but I became one all the same. I didn’t even realize it until long after the fact. What do I mean? Well, let me explain.
I make porn. I sell clips of myself (and other people) having sex. To promote those clips, I write an adult blog and share lots of nude pictures of myself. The thing is, I never used to think of what I do in those terms—production, sales, and promotion—because I’m fortunate enough that I never needed to, because I don’t rely exclusively on porn for my living. I just never had to think about what I do in that way. I usually tend think of my porn as my secret art project, my hobby, my guilty (in a good way) secret, my life-saving outlet. And those things are all true. But it’s also sex work, what I do. I’m a sex worker.
I love the way my nipples look in this white mesh. And, judging by clip sales, so do a lot of my fans!
Just a Blogger Who…Writes About Sex…and Makes Porn Clips…and…
Conversationally, I would normally describe myself as a blogger who also happens to makes adult clips. The way I usually think about it, the blogging comes first, then the photos, and the clips pay for all the hosting and gear, with a little bit left over, which I usually reinvest into the process. In pure work terms, however, it’s the opposite. I’m a clip producer who builds community with her blog and pictures.
As I learn more about sex work and sex workers, I have come to understand that, to the extent that I make, sell, and promote porn, I’m a sex worker. What I do is most definitely work, and it’s most definitely work about sex.
My nipples are basically always erect, and especially after pumping.
Forums: My Gateway Drug
Just as I didn’t set out to be a sex worker, I didn’t set out to make porn, either. I was just looking for some people like me, for a feeling of community, and for some advice for discovering a sex life I could enjoy. At the time, that mostly meant forums. Eventually, I just started sharing pictures on forums that inspired me, as way to contribute to the community and, ideally to pay forward the incredible gift of sexuality and education I was receiving.
From there it went to sharing little clips, and then doing a little writing, and then starting my own blog, and then setting up a little clip store, and then buying my own real equipment and then, finally expanding my pool of people I worked with beyond solo clips and clips with my boyfriend.
I think that, even more than getting paid a bit for a clip or two, the first time work with people you’re not in a relationship with is the classic divider between hobbyist and performer.
Putting on some size; maybe someday I’ll be an FBB session girl. Also: Porn!
What Even Is Porn Now?
And so suddenly, I’m a porn producer. I mean, I’ve never made “big-budget” studio porn, and I’ve barely done any boy-girl shooting at all, but I’ve made close to 100 adult clips and I’ve posted thousands of erotic-or just plain pornographic-pictures online over the years. I’ve got a hundreds of posts on my blog, probably adding up to over 100,000 words, a blog that has had millions of views over the years.
These days, that’s increasingly what porn is, I think. The days when you weren’t really in porn unless you had a contract with Vivid or something like that are long gone, that’s for sure. I’m not dragging the people who make or made that kind of studio porn. But the fact is, the vast majority of the porn that I see people consuming these days get made by people like me. People who started small and built up their own teeny-tiny porn empires.
The thing is, though, because of the way I just sort of slipped into it, and especially because I do it anonymously, I never really thought too much about the implications in the way that you might if you went from nothing to having your face showed up on DVD covers in shops around the world overnight.
Ugh, that feels so damned good…
Baby You’re Star
I always used to think that sex work meant prostitution, and I told myself, I’m not doing that. Not that I looked down on prostitutes—not at all. I only know a few in person, but the ones I know are bold and clever and brave. The same is largely true of the ones that I know online, too. I’ve never been against the idea of sex work or sex workers. I just didn’t consider myself one of them, didn’t consider myself to be like them—whatever that means. I didn’t consider myself a “real” pornstar, anymore than I was prostitute or a stripper or a camgirl or any other kind of sex worker.
In fact, my site’s name, Rikochanpornstar, was originally meant to be a kind of self-deprecating humor, a joke at my own expense. As if I could really be a pornstar! Not! In my mind, it was a way of acknowledging that I wasn’t really pornstar material, but I suspect it was also a joking way of separating myself from sex work. Why?
I always thought I was outside the world of porn and the stigma that’s attached to it, since I never had to suffer it. I thought that by existing on the margins of sex industry the way I do, I could somehow not become a part of it, but that’s magical thinking. I felt that I was something else, and I also secretly felt guilty that I had what I perceived as the benefits of sex worth, without any of the cost.
This is why I pump. To feel and look like this.
Secrets Are Stigma
But then someone asked me recently why if I love my porn so much, I it anonymously, and I realized, I am affected by the stigma. That’s why I hide this incredibly important part of my life away and separate it from my daily life. I do it because I know that that stigma is just hanging over me, looming but at bay…for now. And that’s because no matter what I think of what I do and why I do it, at base I am also a sex worker, and the world at large despises and is deeply afraid of sex workers. When I started to be honest with myself, I realize that it’s exhausting and frightening to be something that society hates so much, even if you’re only living at the fringes of it.
Whereas my alter ego used to be a gleeful secret that separated me from other people, with that feeling of “I know something you don’t know, and knowledge is power,” now I suddenly had a new and altogether different feeling, too. Whereas before I was different from other people because of what I knew, and that secret made me powerful and happy, now I was also different from other people because of what I was, and that secret kept me safe.
I hadn’t really changed, of course. But my understanding of myself and how the world would see me had. I still do what I do for the same reasons: because I want to, because I enjoy it, and because it fills parts of me that would otherwise be empty. Yes, for all those reasons. All those reasons that are sort of almost nearly socially acceptable. Right? I mean, this is the language of creativity and art, and, well, I could argue that because I do what I do for those reasons, what I do is erotica, not porn. Not sex work.
But I’m not just doing it for those reasons.
I never would have believed I could build a whole business around my clitty…
Business Is Business
I’m also doing it to sell clips. Not because I need to, economically; this isn’t survival work for me. Rather, it’s because because I am good at it, and it’s very satisfying to make something and sell it. Business is very satisfying. Success at making and selling things is satisfying. That is not to say that doing sex work for survival is a terrible thing. It’s a great luxury I have, that I don’t need to do it, and that I love it; many people choose to do sex work to stay alive and many I’m sure, wouldn’t do it if they had some other opportunity. I understand. That’s the reality of work, sexual or otherwise. The stress of the job I do stay afloat was quite literally killing me before I found the outlets of exercise and sex work. It’s still taking years off my life, I’m sure.
Because I hate my straight work so much, I was desperate for this new thing not to be work. Yes, I used to tell myself that because I plowed nearly all the profits back into the production of my clips it wasn’t really a job, it was a hobby, or maybe a collaborative, crowdsourced art project. Sure, that might be true. But it’s also work. I like sell porn, because I like knowing that people enjoy my work so much that they are willing to pay me for the pleasure of jerking off to it.
If I’m being honest with myself, the fact that I am able to be successful at it adds a whole extra level of satisfaction to the pleasure I always let myself understand I was getting, that of exhibitionism, pleasing myself and other people, educating people, and broadening the world of porn to include people that look and think like me. All those pleasures are still there, but I’m also letting myself understand that this is work, and work that I enjoy for the sake of the work itself. I always enjoyed the sex part of being a sex worker; I just never realized until recently that I also enjoy the work part of being a sex worker.
A Sex Worker Are Workers; Sex Work Is Work
I don’t have particularly clever conclusion about about the meaning of sex work or the hypocrisy of society’s attitude toward sex workers. It’s clear to me that sex work is work; it’s the moral panic that surrounds it that makes it such a charged scary thing for so many people. That moral panic and the stigma and laws that force it underground are what makes it a dangerous, undesirable job for so many. Yes, trafficking is bad, but most sex workers don’t want or need to be rescued–except, quite often from law enforcement and the rescuers themselves.
I’m stunned at the way my understanding of both sex work and myself has changed just lately. I honestly don’t know what this will mean for my blog and my clips. I’ll keep making them, that’s for sure. Maybe now that I’m thinking about it more clearly, with fewer delusions and less confusion, I’ll do more, and do better. I don’t know; we’ll see. Like I said, these are new thoughts for me. I’m not really sure where they’ll take me.
If you do want to read some clever people with deeper, better developed and clearer thoughts about sex work here are a few places you can start.
I give good hand, too, I’m told.
Books by People Who Know Much More About Sex Work Than I Do
Of course, there are thousands—millions—of sex workers out there who know more about sex work than I do, from the escorts, to the pornstars, to the strippers, to the clip makers like me, to the dominatrixes, to the sex bloggers, to the bodybuilding session girls (be still my heart) to the cam girls to the I don’t even know what. I could never hope to list them all! That would be another much bigger story. What I can do is give you a list of authors whose books on the subject have influenced, inspired, and educated me lately.
The first book I ever read about sex work was Naked Online: Hookups, Downloads, and Cashing in on Internet Sexploration, by Audacia Ray (@audaciaray on Twitter), a great writer who also did sex work. Even though it’s 10 years old now, it’s still a fascinating and inspiring (literally, to me) read. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, Ray’s book basically gave me the confidence to get started in online sex work. Even though I only got to go a few times, her readings series, The Red Umbrella Diaries, also introduced me to sex workers in person for the first time and showed me they were just regular people doing their jobs.
For a powerful, funny, heartbreaking, thoroughly unromanticized, yet also wildly romantic look at what it’s like to navigate relationships while being a sex worker, you should read the amazing book Prostitute Laundry by equally amazing Charlotte Shane (@charoshane on Twitter) based on her own confessional Tiny Letter about her life as a sex worker.
I don’t know if this post will make sense to anyone but me. But I hope it does. I hope at the very least a few people will click the links and discover some new books that give them a new view on Sex Work. There are so many great books on the subject. If you have a favorite or a suggestion for me, please let me know in the comments.
A little bit of arm progress? I guess, maybe… (from a few months ago)
Hey everyone! I thought I’d let you know what’s been going on with you lately and also share some pictures with you that I uploaded and never posted! I feel like maybe a few of you might be interested in seeing some new fetish pics, right? The truth is, I have a TON of stuff that needs to be edited, both pictures and videos for my Rikochan clips4sale studio. My problem isn’t that I don’t have things to share, it’s that I don’t have enough time to edit, retouch, and write about it.
You have to prepare your clit carefully if you’re going to do some extreme pumping!
Just a note: Yes, I absolutely retouch/photoshop my pics. That doesn’t mean that they don’t show the real me. They do. At least, as much of the real me as I’m comfortable sharing. I don’t distort or manipulate them to the point where they’re untruthful, though. But I certainly adjust the lighting and color, blur out things I don’t want to share, crop to frame them better, and so on. I’m totally not shitting on people who just post pics straight off the camera or cell phone–there’s a certain rawness about pictures like that that can be really sexy and cool. But, to the (very limited) extent that I can, I want to make my pics look as good as I possibly can. And that means using Photoshop or some similar app.
Stage one of the kind of clit pumping that gets me the best results
Anyhow, I’m going to spend a big chunk of time over the next month working on my backlog of stuff. The very next thing I’m working on is editing my next video with Mistress Treasure! It’s way overdue! She’s one of my very favorite people to work with, and I’ve been hoarding this one and trying to figure out a few new things for editing it. (I used two cameras for the first time, which caused a few unexpected problems.) I’m excited to get some more female bodybuilding videos up on my clips studio, and some pictures on here to go along with it! My last Mistress Treasure video, Big Clit Comparison, is one of my most popular clips ever.
I’m fat, but my stomach is still getting flatter, right?
This past weekend I also shot a crazy hot video with a very sexy friend, Lady Clarece! It was inspired by the popular trend in Japanese AV of ecchi este, or horny massage or something like that. If you haven’t seen them, there’s a whole series of videos that basically involve women going in for a massage that turns out to be sexier than they expected. Some are seduction, some are coercion, and some even feature secret aphrodisiacs! It’s all fantasy, though–even the ones that are filmed hidden-camera style. I don’t know if any of the “acting” in this video came out ok, but it was fun to try. So I’ll be getting right to that video as soon as I finish my Mistress Treasure clip!
These pictures have nothing to do with this post but I thought you might enjoy more pictures of Slutty Nic giving me head. Click all the pics in this post (and pretty much all my blog posts) for full-sized version.
I’ve got a good life. I’m lucky, and fortunate, and privileged. I work very, very hard to maintain that life. Because of the way I grew up, with a father who mistakenly thought, over and over and over again, this time my horse can’t fail, I’m also always secretly terrified it will all slip away. So I work harder still. Memories of the yakuza knocking on your door at night, in the morning, in the middle of the afternoon, those never go away. And so I do everything-work, working out, porn–at full force, and even then I don’t really believe it will last, because I know everything is changeable, nothing is guaranteed, and you have to fight to keep what you have. This has made me successful, but it can also make me very, very tired. So I’m using some of the money I have worked so hard to save, and I’m going on vacation, to make myself happy again.
I’m going where there is sun (maybe) and a pool and there might be a beach or two, and there is going to be jewelry. Necklaces and chokers and bracelets…I’m going to be flashy and brassy and bold and all the things I never let myself be. There are going to be dresses; so many dresses, and maybe even…gowns (though I am unclear on the actual difference, to be honest). I’ve been planning what to wear and shopping for months, and I’m not telling myself when would I ever wear that? This is the time I’m going to wear it. I’m going to dress for dinner like the sophisticated adult I always imagined I might one day be, and I’m going to dance and drink wine and champagne and Prosecco and maybe even a cocktail or two.
My pussy is a serious mouthful!
I’m going to kill it in the gym every day, maybe twice a day, and I’ll be swimming every day, and I might do some rock climbing, and I’m definitely going to do some hiking. I’m also going to get a massage or three and a manicure and a pedicure and maybe even a quackish spa treatment. I plan to haunt the saunas and steam rooms and hot tubs on the days when I access have one.
And I plan to have sex. So much fucking sex. The first night I don’t get to my hotel until 2 am, but every night after that I’m going to fuck. I’m going to have my nipples sucked and pumped and pinched and bitten and stretched until they are sore and swollen and stand out like thumbs in my bathing suit the next day.
Slutty Nic has sucked my clit into a giant clitty hard-on…
My clit is going to get so much love, too. I’m only bringing a few toys, but the most important one is the pump for my clit. It has been ages since I got the chance to pump more than once every week or two, let alone once a day, which is what I used to do. Sometimes I would pump it for two, three, four hours at a time and my clit and labia (I used to pump my whole pussy a lot more) would get so fat and swollen that they would still be stretched and swollen and full the night when I started again. Each day, they’d get a little bigger, more sensitive, and more freaky looking.
Nic sucking my clit hard!
I loved that sense of causing myself to become so outre, so shocking, and so strange, even to myself. I remember looking at my partner as we changed my body into something else entirely, as I pumped my labia until they were standing out like a fat, juicy fruit that filled my entire hand, and laughing a nervous, excited, happily horrified laugh, and saying, “Is this ok? Can I do this? Is this allowed? What if it never goes back? What it’s so big that I always have to wear a skirt or I will have a giant cameltoe? What if even under skirts it will show up? What if I look like a guy in a bikini? Would that freak you out? What about when I go back to Japan to visit? What if I go to an onsen with my friends and they see it? What if my mom sees?”
“It’s your body,” he said. It’s completely up to you what’s allowed. It doesn’t matter what I think. It doesn’t matter what your friends think. It doesn’t matter what your mom thinks. It only matters what you think.” It’s your body. It’s completely up to you what’s allowed. That simple statement–of a simple fact said at precisely the right moment–changed everything for me.
Nic goes to town on my pussy
It might sound obvious to you. But to a Japanese woman growing up in conservative family–and, furthermore, one who grew up believing, secretly, and despite all evidence to the contrary, that if she did everything just right, and above all properly, this rectitude and propriety would spill over into her family life and keep her mother sane, keep her father from away from the track and the horses he could never quite give up on, keep him from shacking up with the vampiric track skanks (or better still, from ever coming back), keep the loansharks from the door–to a woman like that, the idea that we can (and maybe even should) just do whatever the fuck we want to ourselves, if it makes us happy…to a woman like that, such an idea is wildly, improbably revolutionary.
Of course, I’d heard those ideas before. Even in Japan you can’t avoid the sex and self-indulgence that permeates the media. We may have a more culturally ingrained sense of conformity and duty (or we may not, but that’s the perception), but we see all the American movies and TV shows, and our own culture is utterly saturated with sex, too. Unfortunately, in Japan it’s sex that is almost completely in service to men, to a far greater degree than even in the US. Or at least, that’s how Japan was for me, when I lived there.
Nic tongues my big Japanese clit!
For me, sex was a burden. In my experience, men were eventually going to take you to the track on your birthday and lose all their money on a sure thing instead of buying you a present. Sex was just something I could do in the meanwhile to make the men in my life happy, and, in doing so, make my life better because my partner was happy.
That second part is still true, of course, but it’s not the whole truth, the way it was then. I hadn’t learned that sex could also make me happy. You see, I never had an orgasm until more than halfway through my 20s, and I’d had several “lovers” by then. I’d even been engaged to be married. I knew about orgasms, of course, but I’d decided that there was probably something wrong with me that meant I couldn’t have one, and that I really didn’t even care about them, anyhow.
My first western boyfriend (who is my partner today) took that as a challenge, of course, and eventually that changed. I’m certain it was at least as much about him feeling powerful for making me come for the first time where other men had tried and failed as it was about how I felt, but I’m okay with that. He was young and dumb and I was a repressed, neurotic mess. The article going around about how men view making women come as an achievement more than a mutual act, well that doesn’t seem like a shocking piece of insight to me. I’m sure it’s still true of him today to some extent, but far more so at the beginning.
Love to feel Nic’s little fingers squirming around inside me
I’m just glad there was some reason for him to stick with it–and it actually took a consider amount of sticking with, I was so locked down and rigid. I never would have made it on my own. When I think back on how excruciatingly hard and embarrassing it was to get to there, that first time, and how confused and full of hate and rage I was, I just want to sit down and weep for myself as I was then. As confused and run down and mixed up as I get now, I at least know, that if I can manage to want to, I can reliably come and come and come until I need to change the sheets, and possibly the mattress.
This may sound awful, but I am, in fact, absurdly grateful that he stuck with it, to the point where it still makes me resent him sometimes. As in, how dare you make me feel guilty by being nice to you when I didn’t deserve it: I hate you! There were many, many years of really bad (and rare) sex. I’m honestly not sure why he did stayed, although he maintains it was always love. I don’t see how that could have been true at that point, but there must have been some reason. I suspect some degree of laziness, or maybe insanity, because…honestly.
At the beginning, my friends were all openly, even insultingly puzzled. I remember one particular night we were sitting on a blanket under a blossoming cherry tree, drinking beer and listening to the guys we were with singing terrible karaoke through a portable sound system powered by some kind of generator. It was one of those perfect gorgeous summer nights, and I was happily waiting for him to show up, and my friends started in. “Yes, you’re sort of pretty in a square-jawed, Easter Island Moai kind of way, and you’re really smart, but do boys care about smart? I don’t think so. You’re prickly and stubborn and sharp. If you’re not having much sex, and you don’t even like sex, and you’re not any good at sex, why is he still hanging around and being nice to you? What does he want? What’s wrong with him?”
I wanted to be mad, and I felt like I ought to defend myself, or even him, but it was just the truth. I was (and am) prickly and stubborn and sharp, but back then I was also nearly always unhappy, and it made me mean. But we were also very simpatico and good at just hanging out and just being together, which I’d never experienced before. We laughed a lot when we weren’t fighting. He was the first lover I’d ever had who was a friend…a really good friend. Maybe even my best friend.
So why wasn’t the sex better? He learned how to make me come more consistently (and more, importantly, I learned how to relax enough to let myself come), but something wasn’t right. It was him doing things to me…so many things to me, over and over again, things that I often adored and sometimes even craved so much that I got frightened. But something just wasn’t right, and nearly all our fights were about sex at their root, even if he didn’t always know it.
One in the pink
It wasn’t until I really started to absorb that idea, that it was my body, that it was completely up to me what was allowed, that things started to change. Like…I could tell him what I liked, and what I wanted, and when. I mean, that one wasn’t a huge leap, since he was one of those guys who always asked if everything was okay, to the point of it being annoying and off-putting. I was so twisted up inside that literally the best thing that occurred to me, at the dawn of this idea of total freedom, was that that I could tell him to stop asking me what I wanted all the time. Just shut up and do it, asking too much kills the mood! In fact, I sometimes hated him for being so fucking weak and worrying so much about what I wanted, and not just taking it…so that I didn’t have to think about it. How sad is that?
Although checking in too much is actually an annoying habit of his that still enrages me sometimes (although we’ve mostly moved past it), he really was right to ask, back then. In fact, he was doing things that I really didn’t like sometimes. Other times, he was just doing things that I might have liked fine at another time, but wasn’t in a mood for right then. And he was asking about them all, but, instead of saying no, I’d just go through with them, and then be truly awful to him in retribution at at some later date, without ever explaining why. Or I’d say yes and then just be unavailable for sex for days or weeks after, also without actually explaining why or even really clearly saying no.
It took me a lot longer to actually get to the point where I actually lived up to the idea that I really could say no. To anything.
I loved when Nic fingered and licked. First time a girl ever did that to me, captured in pics!
Every woman has things they don’t like. One of my favorite writers on sex and feminism and being a woman has sex, Charo Shane, writes again and again about how much she hates receiving oral sex, which is fucking crazy to me. But that’s just it: she’s the one who gets to decide, no matter how crazy it might sound. (For me, it’s masturbation; I don’t and hardly ever have have. I know, freak out: discuss.) With him, it was anal, which I felt obliged to say yes to. The ability to just totally shut that down was terrifying, but wildly empowering at the same time.
I may have gone a little power-mad for a while, employing my newfound veto power. It’s one of those personal growth stereotypes that is also true that when you start working on yourself, things get worse before they get better–especially for your partner. It turns out that, ideally, sex is a negotiation. No one has to (or should) do anything they hate, but if you want to actually be able to live with someone and have a partner, you might actually need to negotiate a little bit, unless your partner is willing to be totally subservient to your needs. Since despite the tone of this story, I’m mostly the submissive one, that’s not at all what I want, I’m not well matched with that kind of partner, so I had to learn how to do that, too.
Ugh, facefucking Nic felt so good, I was gushing into her mouth.
I eventually discovered that it was much more fun to just insist on what I wanted and to make it more and more fun for him to give me what I wanted (and to make him want to give me what I wanted) than to focus on denying him what he wanted. Eventually, we ended up mostly wanting the same things, and sex got much, much better.
It turns out that, if you say, I want you to do X to me–where X is some kind of kinky, transgressive, or just plain crazy sex act–and that afterwards (or during) they get an orgasm, that’s going to take care of most guys. If they have some super-specific kink that they can’t live without, either you need to be okay with satisfying it every so often, or you probably just shouldn’t be with them.
These days, if he really wanted anal, I’d be fine with doing it once in a while, but he’s so fixated now on my clit and shooting my porn that it hasn’t come up in literally years.
That all sounds great, and it would be great, if only I could live by it all the time. But despite the fact that I sort of mostly know it’s true, on a good day, I only have it about about halfway internalized, at most, and that’s after years of working on it and countless hours of therapy. Sex still gets problematic for me. I work too much. I worry too much. I’m still the girl who turned up the volume on her stereo to drown out the sounds of my mother screaming at the loansharks looking for my father–whose horse always failed, until he finally did disappear, forever. And so I work myself to the point where I’m sick. I’m too tired for sex, and, more importantly for the kind of negotiations that make it fun and exciting, and bearable, let alone sexy.
Helping Nic make me come by pinching my own nipples
So I’m on vacation. Recharging. Getting myself together. Again. Using some of that money and time off that I have banked, and getting back to the point where I not only know that it’s my body, and that it’s completely up to me what’s allowed, but that I also recapture that feeling of wanting things to be done to it, loving when things are done to it, and loving when new things happen to it, with new people, and loving sharing all those experiences with all of you. Maybe this time I’ll even be able to learn it so deeply that it’ll stick with me, that I’ll remember that I ought to choose the things I love, and that make me happy, instead of the crazy, obsessive, superstitious things that I do to try and manage a life that I haven’t actually lived for many, many years.
It’s not that I’ve ever stopped actually loving those things, but I get so tired and sick, honestly, that I can’t remember how to access that feeling of love, if that makes sense. Don’t worry; it’s nothing for you to worry about. This happens from time to time, and I’m getting better about taking care of myself when it does. I hope you’re as excited as I am about what’s going to happen when I back, recharged and ready to be Rikochan again, full of that new, shiny optimism that this time I’ll be able to keep my life in balance, that my partner will stick through just this one last cycle with me, that this time my horse won’t fail.
Yuka is small, but she’s also just a little bit crazy when it comes to spanking.
I know, you’re hoping for a big clitty porn story, but really I just wanted to let you all know that I will be offline for about 10 days starting tomorrow-ish. But don’t worry, it’s for a good reason: I’m going on vacation! I’m not going to go into too much detail now, but just know that I won’t have much internet access, so there won’t be as many pictures on my Facebook and Twitter as usual!
Yuka is so happy to be beating my ass!
I’ll tell you more about it when I’m back, but just to tease a little bit, I can tell you that there will be beaches, hiking, boats, champagne, and dressing for dinner. Also, I’ve got at least some kind of gym to work out at every morning of my trip! I plan to come back both more rested and in better shape than when I left, which I think has never happened before in the history of my vacations.
Yuka spent a lot of time looking at my clit…she’d never see a such a big erect one before!
Also, I am really hoping to get some fun pictures and video on my trip to share with you here and for my clip store. Oh, I should also let you know that I used the money I have made on clips recently to finally upgrade my video camera: I got a Canon Vixia HF G40! I’m so happy, my clitty porn video quality should get way better, I should be able to do better closeups in better focus, and I’ll be able to shoot in lower light, which I think can be sexy and fun.
I have to tell you, having my clit licked by another Japanese woman seemed even more transgressive than when American girls have done it…which was amazing.
Please remember that everything I make selling clips goes back into making more clips. Every penny goes into better equipment, better wardrobe, new toys to shoot with, pay for pro photographers and costars, new bondage gear, lights, backdrops, etc. Actually, I end up spending more than I make, if you count all the wardrobe…but the point is, if you buy one of my clips, you’re not making me rich, you’re just financing more and better clips and pictures!
Yuka’s clever little fingers made my pussy vibrate with pleasure!
Anyhow, I just wanted to let you all know, and to leave you with a picture or two to keep you busy while I’m gone! If I can manage it I will schedule a couple more clitty porn pictures to to post here before I go, but…mmm, there’s about a 50/50 chance I will be too busy packing and cleaning tonight. Gotta hide all my sex toys from the very nice, but very pure-seemed lady who will feed my cats while I’m gone.
Yuka was really good at giving me head. She really sucked and slurped on my clit!
That’s all for now. But I hope you liked the pictures. These one were shot on the day that we also shot When Yuka Dommed Riko, which is one my most popular videos ever. If you haven’t checked it out, you should!
I’ve learned a lot over the past few years being Rikochan, writing this blog, doing my photoshoots, making my videos, and meeting people on Facebook and Twitter. I’ve learned a lot about myself, and what I am capable of, and of what it means to try new things and stretch and grow. I know, you’re here for the clits and the boobs and the muscles, but just bear with me for a minute…
My nipples are always long and hard, like little bullets!
It has been an overwhelmingly positive experience for me, even if at times it has been uncomfortable and hard and nerve-wracking. I’ve learned so many things that I can’t even put them into words. Some are just feelings, and some are ways of being, and some are new kinds of confidence. You can’t really distill those down into concrete ideas, or at least I can’t But some of these things I can put into words, and one of them is this: I love boobs.
I dream of having boobs like Rion Nishikawa’s sometimes. So big and soft…
I love them all. Of course, my deepest weakness is for the big, gorgeous ones that you can just drown in. The kind that can smother you, that you can motorboat, that are so big that even the nipples are a challenging mouthful. Rion Nishikawa is my lastest Japanese pornstar crush, and a big part of that is her fantastic breasts. I’m utterly (udderly?) hypnotized by them every time I see them.
Mine are nothing like Rion’s, but I’m okay with that these days.
Every time I have sex lately, it’s always Rion, Rion, Rion whose porn I watch to get me in the mood and Rion, Rion, Rion who’s fucking in the background as I get fucked. I look up and see Rion riding, being ridden, her huge gorgeous breasts swaying and shaking and being fucked. Sure, I still have room in my heart for Julia and Rena Fukiishi, but the heart wants what the heart wants, and right now it’s Rion who makes me hot and wet.
Annie’s breasts–and all of her body–are so perfect and sculpted, I just want to run my hands all over her. (Used by permission of Annie…thanks Annie, I love you!)
That’s not to say that I only like huge, full and round ones. I have a huge love for the muscular chests of female bodybuilders, too. I’ve written before about my love for Annie Rivieccio, and how my exposure to her in the pages of the excellent Muscle Elegance magazine helped me to understand and accept and even love my own muscular body and little boobs. I’ve bought a ton of her videos over at her Female Muscle Movies clips store, and I can’t recommend them strongly enough…they’ve got everything from lift and carry to muscle worship to full-on muscle fucking.
My boobs are tiny and I’m ok with that, most of the time.
My Boyish Boobs
I’m totally not one of those purists who complains when bodybuilders get implants (I think implants can be crazy sexy, too! I think Cindy Landolt looked great with a completely flat chest and I think she looks great with her big sexy implants, too. I do, however, have a real, serious weakness for the muscle chests of the big female bodybuilders with broad pecs and small breasts that comes with training and dieting. I’ve been thin enough myself that tits basically disappeared except for the nipples and just a hint of a curve, one that would completely disappear if I lifted my arms over my head.
My boyish, flat chest
These days I don’t want that completely shapeless preteen boy look, though; as sexy as I found the androgyny, and as hot as I find it on other people, I want something that is, for me, healthier now, something more powerful and striking. That’s why I work so hard in the gym and eat well and right and take care of myself.
Getting more muscular, right?
These days, my own chest is getting bigger, partly because I’m a bit on the fatter side right now, and partly because I’ve been training like crazy, really getting into my new powerlifting workouts. I think I’m starting to look a little more balanced, now, too. In the past, I was all legs, but now I’m starting to see a little bit more shape in my upper body, and I’m especially happy with the way my chest is changing. It’s getting bigger, and stronger, and harder…
Mistress Treasure’s big beautiful nipples
I’ve got a long ways to go before I reach the awesome size and power of Annie, or my other bodybuilding porn friend, Mistress Treasure, and I might never get there, but every time I meet up with Mistress T, I’m more inspired than ever to hit the iron, and hit it hard! I’m going to be working on editing another Mistress Treasure video this very weekend, and you can be sure I’ll be checking out her fantastic nipples! Mine are long and hard, but they’re got nothing on Mistress Treasure’s. Hers have to be seen–and sucked–to be believed.
I can’t wait until I can suck and squeeze Lady C’s big, soft, natural breasts again…
The fact that I’m working on little muscle tits doesn’t mean that that’s the only way I imagine myself being, though. In fact, I dream about having huge glorious boobs like the ones I got to suck and kiss and bury my face in when I shot my Pouty Slave session videos with Lady Clarece. They’re so perfect, and soft and heavy. She left me suck and bite them, and she smothered me with them, too.
Sucking on Lady Clarece’s amazing nipples was better than even the clit play that day, and that’s saying a lot!
That feeling of being completely surrounded by boobs, nearly crushed by them is the best feeling there is. I can’t wait to do that again, and we’re talking about shooting again soon! I know many of you loved the videos we shot, and I’m sure you’re going to like what my mistress has planned for the next set of videos even more!
Slutty Nic’s Breasts are amazing…look at those nipples!
I used to only dream about playing with big boobs like Lady Clarece’s. Since I’ve been expanding my horizons as Rikochan, however, I’ve learned to love playing with small ones, too. I had so much fun playing with the Slutty Nic’s little ones. She has amazing nipples, the areolae are huge and puffy…puffy nipples are one of my weaknesses. I love that hers have such a different shape from mine which are sort of flat and hard and champagne glass shaped. Hers are long and low, and stretchy. I loved how I could move them around and play with them and even stretch them out!
Stretching Nic’s tits was fucking amazing. I never knew they could do that!
Pinching and pulling Slutty Nic’s nipples was so exciting and sexy. I was playing the domme in that shoot, which was very hard for me (I’m a total sub), but I have to admit, the idea that another serious sub would let me pull and pinch and stretch her nipples until she gasped and moaned really did bring out something a bit more dominant in me. I really enjoyed making her feel good by being a little bit rough with her lovely little boobs. That was almost as fun as when Nic gave me a clit blow job: my first time ever being on the receiving end of oral sex from a woman. The fact that it was even close should tell you just exciting pinching her nipples was…
I think Nic enjoyed it too!
And my friend Yuka Ozaki (who has sadly retired from porn, I think) also had such cute little ones, too. I have an an amazing time sucking them, and just looking at them, frankly. When we shot When Riko Met Yuka, it was the first time I’d ever played with boobs that were even smaller than mine. Although I saw plenty of smaller ones when I was growing up in Japan, at that point in time I wasn’t thinking about playing with them, I was just being jealous of how those girls were all skinnier than me.
I learned to love little boobs playing Yuka’s cute little tits
I’m sad that I might never get to play with her cute little boobs again, but I’m glad I got to do it a couple times while she was still making porn. We were supposed to shoot one more video after When Yuka Dommed Riko, but the schedule never got worked out, and I think I got too busy with school after that. I really wish I had worked harder to reschedule that third shoot, now! We were just starting to get really comfortable shooting together, and I’d love to have played with her boobs (not to mention her crazy tight little pussy) one more time…
Sucking Yuka’s tits was so much fun!
Anyhow, can you tell by this long rambling post about playing with boobs that I’ve been too busy to have much sex lately, and that I haven’t been able to play with any women at all for months? In fact, not once this year! Writing this post made me realize that I am seriously in boob withdrawal, and that it’s time to schedule new video shoots. Any women out there who want to shoot with me, please let me know!
More videos coming soon. In the meanwhile, let me know what you think of my boobs and whether or not you think I should get implants at my Rikochan Implants Poll. Yes, I know it’s up to me. Don’t bother telling me that, I know! I’m curious what you think.
My legs are getting bigger day by day! Love my big quads! And, because, why not, here’s my big clitty, too! Click to see the pic full size (as with almost all the pictures on this blog).
I used to want skinny, coltish legs. I used to want a thigh gap. I wanted to be the one who walked knock-kneed and girlishly weak, like a sexy anime character. Big legs, and big quads especially, had a special horror for me-because I had them at one point, when I was a fat kid with muscles. (I had big shoulders that I hated, too, but this post is about legs.) I used to want to be slim and sleek and heroin chic. And I got there. I was, for many years thin enough that friends’ mothers alway used to always try to feed me up. Ever seen Aeon Flux (the cartoon, not the shitty movie)? That was me: all shoulders and sharp, boney legs.
And please understand, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being slight, svelte, and elflike, if that is your aesthetic, your genetics, your inclination, or just where you’re comfortable being–always assuming that it’s not because you are unwell or don’t have access to as much food as you might like. I’m definitely not one to judge on their thinness, fatness, muscularity, or lack thereof. If you could see my porn collection you’d know that. Chubby girls, skinny girls, bodybuilders, I’ve got them all, and all of them make me crazy excited in their own way.
But I am pretty sure I was hurting my health to get that thin. I’m sure I was malnourished, and who knows what the fuck I did to my bones during those years. I used to be so thin that my legs were stick-like, and my pelvis bones bruised my sex partners, and my fingers recalled segmented spider legs, and my ridiculous Mongolian cheekbones looked like they were going to burst through my very, very thin skin. In those days, I had disciple and self control, and complete mastery of my body, and those were the outward signs of that complete self domination.
Or at least, that’s how it felt to me then. I still yearn for that feeling sometimes. I think about getting ripped a lot, but, for now, the desire to build and bulk is stronger. And I’ve really, really grown to love eating, too–there’s that. I’m seriously thinking about going to AVN this year in Vegas, and, the instant I pull the trigger on tickets and hotel reservations, I’m going to have to face cutting, though. It’ll be interesting to see which impulse–cut or bulk–wins out then. But, there’s no way I want to be in a convention hall full of porn stars in off-off-season shape. I’ll have to get to at least off-season shape!
Big Quads Pride
These days I’m happy to have legs that are getting just a little bit “thick” and quads that are starting to get a little rounded, and I’m excited if someone tells me my legs look “swole” even though they don’t, really. (They really, really don’t–yet.) I’m just happy that they have changed enough that people might say that, even jokingly. “Legs looking beefy, Riko!” makes me absurdly happy. Even when people tell me not to let my legs get too big, that I’m big enough, or that my legs (or any part of me, really) are getting too big, there’s a part of me that exults–after I yell at, unfriend, ban, or block them, of course.
Big Like Bakhar!
The beautiful Bakhar Nabieva’s beautiful legs!
I want legs that are big, I want tree trunks, I want massively rounded bulging legs and teardrop quads. I want sprinter thighs, I want speedskater thighs, I want my legs to look like Bakhar Nabieva‘s legs. And that ass! I got into bodybuilding specifically to overcome a flat ass. I want legs that are so big that if someone did a faithful drawing of them for a comicbook, people would be like, that’s ridiculous, women can’t *look* like that. Of course, I want the rest of my body to match my big quads. Bakhar is mostly about the legs, as a bikini girl. Which is cool–the focus on legs and ass really pays off for her!
I’m a little sad that it’s getting harder and harder to find jeans that fit my legs, but I’m secretly happy, too. I feel like this is something I can really do, this is a change I can make, this is achievable. In fact, I know it is. I might never have giant peaked biceps (although I will never stop working on them!), but I’ve already had grapefruit quads as a highschooler, when I was on the volleyball team, and I’m going to have them again…