When a woman builds bulk on her body, she’s making a decision to sculpt a better version of herself. She’s changing her identity. She’s breaking the mold of convention and embracing the nontraditional. Whether she intends to compete or not is irrelevant. The desire to gain maximum muscularity is a statement unto itself. It says “I’m reinventing myself, whether you like it or not.~Ryan Takahashi
I love that quote, almost as much as I love the picture of Annie Rivieccio above it. Both of them really speak to me, and to what I’ve been going through for a while now. Annie set me on the path, and Ryan helped to me to understand it a little better. You see, I’m working more than ever to change my own body, going harder and harder in the gym with a real goal in mind, embracing a new, bigger, more powerful body, the body I was genetically meant to have, and the one that I spent so many years struggling against, the body I’d tried so hard to destroy. Before I got started, before those first pictures I saw of Annie, I never could have imagined building up my body, instead of tearing it down.
Worshipping My Muscles?
These days, things are totally different. Not only am I eating more (and better) than I ever have in my life, I’m also more dedicated than ever in the gym, but I’ve also got a real fitness goal for the first time, too. I’m giving myself six months to get in the best shape of my life, and then I’m going to start shooting…a lot. Modeling. Videos. Erotica. Porn. I’m going to branch out and try new things again. I want to work with other people again, and I this time I don’t want people thinking, “Rikochan’s so lucky to work with those women with their killer bodies.” This time, I want people to think, “She’s so lucky to be working with Rikochan, what a killer body!” I don’t want to look “good” or fit.” I want to look crazy fit. I want to look what society will call freaky. I want people to stop me in the street to ask me if I compete, though I’m not planning to. As Ryan Takahashi says (in his blog, The Adventures of Ryan Takahashi, which is a great tribute to female bodybuilding), I want to break the mold of convention. I want to be something different and new and powerful.
As I work harder and get bigger, I’ve been thinking a lot about muscle worship. Why? Well, partly it’s because I’ve been getting an amazing number of requests for muscle worship sessions, mostly from people who want to worship my calves or be crushed between my thighs in a scissor grip. Sometimes they just to worship my muscles! I don’t do sessions yet, although I have thought about it, but I am always very, very flattered to be asked. And surprised, too! After all, the only muscle worship I’ve been involved in up to now has been as the worshipper, not the worshipped. I’m used to being the muscle lover, although that wasn’t always the case. Loving other women’s muscles was how I got started on this whole journey.
Enter Annie Rivieccio
I’m not surprised anymore when people ask to worship my big clit; I get that one, since I now understand that it is pretty fabulous (yes, I have come to terms with its fabulous-ness, ha). I’ve even developed a real fetish for big clits myself, ever since I discovered Denise Masino‘s amazing Muscle Elegance Magazine with Annie Rivieccio, which Kraka brought home for us to look at one day. Of course I was happy to see other women with “endowments” like mine–even bigger! That made me so happy. And he told me that was why he’d brought it home for me. And that was true. But it wasn’t the whole story.
He later admitted that it was at least as much because of his secret love for female muscle, which he hoped I might learn to love, too. And he was right. I did. I do. That single issue changed everything for me. The clits were affirming, but it was the muscle that was the real revelation. I can remember looking at the powerful pictorial of Annie in her stables, massive and nude, hosing herself down, her sleek offseason muscles shining and shimmering. Yes, I think there was a hint of a big clitty between the massive, sculpted columns of her thighs in that shoot, but at that time all I had eyes for was those thighs! I just couldn’t stop looking at them.
Fit or Female: A False Choice
Here I’d been working on running my legs down to to skin and bones (I got way past having a thigh gap at one point, though I didn’t know that term then–think Æon Flux). And here was this beautiful woman whose legs…her legs were big and powerful and strong. On purpose! For me, that was a big realization, because at one point, I’d also had huge quads, as a volleyball player in high school. My legs had put on muscle far more easily than the other girls’ had, and people had teased me about it, said that I looked like a speedskater. Eventually, I quit, and I starved those muscles away. So this woman who’d specifically trained to build her legs up specifically because she wanted to look like that, and not as the accidental freakish side effect of sports…I can’t tell you what that meant to me.
Not to mention those enormous delts, and her great pecs and lovely natural breasts…Her boobs were so striking to me. I’d been working on getting fit, at around the time Kraka brought home the magazine (I think that was the trigger for admitting his secret fetish), and, as I got thinner, I had been mourning the slow loss of my boobs, which I do sometimes. In the past, I’d been happy to look like a prepubescent with no boobs or ass, like every good Japanese girl who wants to look like a child-bride. I’d had a borderline eating disorder, too. I’d been destroying my body. But now I was recovering (in fact, I had gotten pretty fat at one point), and now I wanted to be fit, but I also wanted to look like a woman…whatever that means. For me, that meant boobs, and the only way I ever had boobs was to be overweight. I was really struggling with what I thought was the choice between being fit and looking like a woman. I know that that’s a false choice, but that’s what I’d learned, growing up in Japan.
Another Way to Be a Woman
And then suddenly here was Annie, showing me a whole different way to be a woman. A strong woman, who was sexy despite not looking like anyone else I’d ever seen–not like any actress, any model, not even any of the athletes I knew. Her breasts were even smaller than mine, but still so incredibly sexy, sitting on those broad pectoral muscles. They were different, but there was still a hint of curve, and those lovely erect nipples…you just knew they were crazy sensitive. You have to realize, this was a long time ago; there wasn’t any crossfit then! You never looked up and saw a muscle girl sitting across from you in the subway, the way you sometimes can now. As Ryan says, it was breaking the mold of convention and embracing the nontraditional. The very, very nontraditional.
It was a key moment for me, and an incredibly liberating one. I not only gradually stopped being ashamed of my body and its tendency to grow muscle, I actually started to be proud of it. Looking for more pictures of Annie, I dug deeper and deeper into the culture of FBB erotica, porn, and sessions. I haunted all sorts of bodybuilding bulletin boards under all kinds of different names, and I eventually discovered all sorts of amazing women to inspire me. The more I lived online in that world, the more natural it started to feel to start sharing pictures and then videos of myself online, too. In fact, I started to experiment in all kinds of new ways. Eventually, I started this blog as a way of sharing some of the things I was going through–and because I have become a kind of shy exhibitionist, too!
Now I’ve kind of made a little name for myself online, and I even have my own clips4sale studio, and I’ve even got some muscle worship and posing videos on it. I’m even friends (at least online) with some of the very women that originally inspired me. I’ve even in touch with Annie on Facebook, and she’s so cool and generous and funny (see the picture above): She even sent me a bunch of pictures to choose from for this post yesterday! Maybe someday I’ll get to work with her and thank her in person, but in the meanwhile, this little post is my way of saying thanks for her part in opening my mind to a different and (for me) better way to be a woman. So: Thanks, Annie!
Where to Find Annie Rivieccio Online
If you’re as big a fan of Annie as I am, you probably already know her excellent website, Muscle Angels, which is full of her amazing pictures of her female bodybuilder friends. If you haven’t checked it out, you should: it’s great–well worth the cost. You might not know her clips4sale studio, Female Muscle Movies, though. I just checked (and bought a couple of videos) and it’s got almost 500 crazy-sexy videos on it from Annie and her FBB friends too.