Hi everyone: this is just a quick note to say I finally uploaded the second half of my latest movie, Rikochan’s Big Clit Sucking and Squirting at my clips4sale studio, Rikochan’s Big Clit. If you liked the slaveboy oral and squirting in part one of the movie, you’ll love this one.
In addition to sucking and squirting it’s got a lot of me masturbating, too, having a great time with my big little man in the boat. It’s amazing how much more comfortable I am jerking off for the camera than I used to be. In the beginning, even when I had a guilty love of the doing something so naughty, so forbidden as making porn, I didn’t want the camera to catch my hands doing anything to myself.
It seems so ridiculous to me now, but apparently in some way it was ok for me to masturbate like crazy off camera in between scenes, and it was ok for Kraka to do all sorts of transgressive things to me on, camera, but it was somehow much dirtier–in maybe a bad way–if I did those things to myself on camera. In our early videos, I actually made Kraka cut out any video that showed me touching myself! I can’t exactly put it into words why, but I think I was still stuck somewhere between wanting to experience new sexy things and wanting to not be seen as too eager to be experience these things.
Which is ridiculous; I wanted to feel those things, all those fetishistic, crazy, raw, sexy were the things I wanted to see, and therefore were exactly the kind of porn I wanted to make. But, somehow, I couldn’t quite also see myself as the person who showed other people that I wanted it.
It would have been fine if it had been a submissive thing, and I’m sure that’s how many people who saw my videos saw me–as a nice little submissive enjoying the ministrations of her master, who well and truly worked over her little slave girl pussy, clit and nips. But that wasn’t it at all. I was just being she, and, so, passive. I think I was worried my fans and viewers would somehow look down on me if I was too eager, too greedy.
I could be sad looking back on that, but I’m not. I love the way things have changed for me in the short time since I started this blog. And especially since I started following people like Jelena Jensen, Andy San Dimas, Justine Joli Audacia Ray and my friend Mistress K on their own blogs and twitter accounts and seeing how much fun they are having with sex. I’ve learned so much, become so much more relaxed. Sure, feeling that what you’re doing is secret and shameful and perverse can be fun. Believe me, I still get to feel every bit of much of that as I like. Having a whole life that’s secret from almost all my friends and family gives me that daily dirty jolt that I love so much.
But I don’t worry so much what anybody else thinks. The people watching my porn? I get it now–they want to see me have a good time–being submissive is in no way the same thing as being passive. And, besides, this kind of submissive thing is just one part of me–there’s going to be a lot more to come, as I get braver and looser and more confident. I seriously don’t know what comes next, but I’m looking forward to finding out.
PS: As always click on the picture for a bigger version.
- My New Video: Big Clit Sucking and Squirting, Part 1 (old.rikochanpornstar.com)