It’s been a while since I updated here, but it’s mostly for good reasons. I got so busy with work and school and porn that I got really burned out. Additionally, the place I’m living in kind of went downhill. I don’t want to go into detail, but I definitely don’t want to live there for another winter, that’s for sure. And I had some solid porn plans just completely fall through. Like people ghosting the day of a shoot or wasting a lot of my time and/or spoons in a lot other ways. Finally, I was stressing out a lot about some very sick friends. I was just a big, stressed-out mess.
Pulling Back From the Edge
So, I pulled back from everything that was stressing me out and reevaluated for a few months, to see what I could change or quit. It’s been a process, but I’ve made progress. I’m in the process of moving, and selling my place. I’ve pulled way back on what I’m willing to do to save my company’s ass at work. Either it won’t get saved, or someone else will have to do some of the saving. I took a term off from school.
I also took a few days off and visited and reconnected with my sick friend. There’s a good chance it might be one of the last times I see them, but I feel so much better for having faced up to it and just done it.
And I’m planning some new adventures when it comes to sex and Rikochanpornstar.com. You might start seeing it in pictures here soon, and if you follow me on Twitter and Instagram you’ve definitely seen it. I’m working like crazy in the gym, doing huge amounts of really serious powerlifting! I’ve never been stronger, or bigger, or heavier in my life than I am right now.
New Body, New Mind
It’s a crazy difficult mental game to eat enough to get big, especially for someone like me who has spent a considerable amount of time with dysmorphia and in a skeletal state. I won’t lie, sometimes I feel like I’m getting too fat in addition to my muscle growth. Note: I’m 100 percent supportive of all body types and sizes for my friends; some of my best, sexiest follows on Twitter and Tumblr are curvy, plump, and just plain fat. You soft ladies, I so would! Vive les different body types! But for me, for my body, it’s not something I’ve ever been comfortable with, because it has always made me feel like I’m out of control.
But this lifting plan, this strength, this raw power…I can stand to get softer and rounder when I know that I’m also getting stronger and stronger…that it’s for a reason. I’m getting fatter, sure, but it’s not out of my control.
And I’m building a new kind of control over my body. The growth of muscle and strength, on a scale that I haven’t really experienced before, despite having been fairly serious about lifting for a few years. This is the first time I’ve really committed to this level of lifting, eating, and sleeping, and the amount I have grown…surprises me! I’m so excited to see where this takes me, and I hope you are too!
More to Come
For more updates purely on bodybuilding and powerlifting, be sure to follow me on Instagram. I post lots of pictures from the gym there. As for the rest? I’m hoping to have some new porn with my new, bigger body up on my big clit and bodybuilding studio soon! Anyhow, this is just a quickie post to say I’m back. More soon…